


reel around the fountain

by jadexleah



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Sad, Songfic, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 07:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18912589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadexleah/pseuds/jadexleah
Summary: "Fifteen minutes with youOh, I wouldn't say noOh, people see no worth in youOh, but I do."- The SmithsNobody sees any worth in Jeremy.Richard does, but at what price?





	1. Chapter 1

_(It's time the tale were told_  
 _Of how you took a child_  
 _And you made him old_  
  
_It's time the tale were told_  
 _Of how you took a child_  
 _And you made him old_  
 _You made him old)_  
  
Richard looked into the mirror of the grey-toned hotel en suite, the bright white light shining off of every enamel surface. It's as if all of his past selfs morphed from one another before him, to the self he was currently seeing. The one with a goatee and slight wrinkles around the eyes; dyed brown hair and whitened teeth, yet he couldnt have looked older. Oh, the 'hamster' days when he was a big kid, so full of energy, everything said with vitality. But now, he was playing at being young, when, really, he was middle-aged and only getting older.   
  
God, he wanted to cry, he really did. Everything was getting to him, it was all getting too much, it was consuming him. The thoughts swirled in his head like a threatening maëlstrom, making the room spin - he was getting old - older still - Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy.   
Yes, Jeremy Clarkson, his ruinous, beloved, sweetheart bastard.  
  
_(Reel around the fountain_  
 _Slap me on the patio_  
 _I'll take it now_  
 _Oh)_  
  
_Fifteen minutes with you_  
 _Well, I wouldn't say no_  
 _Oh, people said that you were virtually dead_  
 _And they were so wrong)_  
  
He recalled one time, during a Top Gear end-of-series party, the stupidly funny layout of the function. The dancefloor had tables, a place for a DJ, but it also bore these extravagant statues in random places and bizarre ornaments, and bizarrely still, a fountain (connected to water at that) dead in the centre of the dancefloor. Under the crazed lights in the dark, and the energy from all the crew under the influence of so so much alcohol, the fountain & co seemed hilarious to Hammond and Clarkson in the middle of such a normal venue. So, with most of the crew already up dancing drunkenly, Clarkson made his way over to Hammond and May, and grabbed the former's hand with no word. Richard had remembered his heart fizzing at the feeling of Jeremy's hand in his.  
  
On the dancefloor, right in the epicentre, they started to dance this frenzied, idiotic irish jig 'round the fountain. The atmosphere of this party was electric and everyone felt it, at least, for most. James wasn't having the best time, but he forced himself to experience the second-hand joy emanating from the joy-ridden Richard, even if it was Clarkson who was producing this effect in him.   
***  
Fast foward to a week later and Clarkson's face was plastered in the tabloids once again:   
  
**MESSR JEZZA'S NOT LOOKING SO CLEVER**  
  
**TIME FOR THIS OLD DINOSAUR TO MOVE ON?**   
  
Richard knew, with all of his common sense, that taking any notice of the tabloids was idiotic... but Jeremy.   
he..  
well, he loved him, there was simply no other way to put it. This love was irrevocable, resolute.  
But this slander against Jeremy, and thats what it felt like, pained him to the very bottom of his heart. They all painted clarkson as an ageing has-been but it couldnt be any further from the truth. He was beautiful...  
  
He got the call at random times in the morning, and odd times in the night but Richard wouldnt say no, even when it interfered with his days off, and even if it interrupted his nights with Mindy.  
He couldn't say no to Clarkson's calls.  
  
He must feel so shit, Richard would worry during the taxi ride there.   
And even though people admonished him for adhering to Clarkson's every call, particularly James, he didnt take any notice. After all, why would he say no?   
Even 15 minutes with him. To be in his company, share each other's space, love one another.   
Or, at least, thats what Richard believed.  
  
Jeremy barely spoke to him when they shared their quarter of an hour together.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is okay to read so far, i wanted to make this fanfic perfect, I absolutely adore these three.

_(Fifteen minutes with you_  
 _Oh, well, I wouldn't say no_  
 _Oh, people said that you were easily led_  
 _And they were half-right_  
 _Oh, they, oh, they were half-right, oh_  
  
_It's time the tale were told_  
 _Of how you took a child_  
 _And you made him old_  
 _It's time that the tale were told_  
 _Of how you took a child_  
 _And you made him old_  
 _You made him old)_

  
They got found out sooner or later. Wilman had sussed it first, and James suffered most from it. To know his two closest friends had begun a relationship, in secret, not only without him, but also without a word to him hurt immensely. He had noticed it too, noticed his gradual isolation from them both. Everyone had always favoured the two, they were the most popular, so James had naturally always felt slightly separate from them, but now....  
James's sadness was immesureable.  
  
There were different theories circulating the office, but obviously none of them were directly uttered to james, all were too afraid of rubbing salt in the wound. Was Clarkson the domineering force, or was he being led by Hammond?   
James knew it was the former, but however contolling Jeremy could be, in order to cope, he knew Richard, he did, and the younger man was an outrageous flirt. Richard also knew, he had to know, what Jeremy was like and what a relationship would entail with him. It couldn't be loving, not really, and if it was, Clarkson wouldnt be able to admit it, because admitting it would, in his mind, cause the other person suffering in the long term. James knew his best friends, and knew of their insecurities.  
  
When James entered the portakabin at his usual time in the morning, Hammond was there early, also like usual. But oh how his face looked!  
Haggard, worn, sleep-deprived, but, more worryingly, happy, contented. James felt he was less like 'hamster' nowadays, and more like... like an actual adult.  
  
Unbeknownst to any of the three but himself, Richard's marriage was in tatters. He saw less of mindy, less of Willow and Isabelle; less of his home.   
The divorce process caused him even more sleep-deprivation, but it would be for the best, wouldn't it?  
If he was honest with himself, he didn't know. All he could think about, day and night, light and dark, black and white, was Jeremy Clarkson. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This song always makes me feel a certain way. So much emotion in roughly 5 minutes of music.

_(Oh, reel around the fountain_  
_Slap me on the patio_  
_I'll take it now_  
_Ah, oh_  
  
_Fifteen minutes with you_  
_Oh, I wouldn't say no_  
_Oh, people see no worth in you_  
_Oh, but I do._  
_Fifteen minutes with you_  
_Oh, I wouldn't say no_  
_Oh, people see no worth in you_  
_I do_  
_Oh, I, oh, I do_  
_Oh)_  
  
It had become dizzying now. This relationship with Jeremy had left Richard reeling with happiness, sadness - pure human emotion, everytime he was with him. This love, it was all-consuming, like fire, but whenever they made love, although Jeremy showed some affection, there was an impersonality to it that brought Richard to excuse himself every time to the bathroom afterwards, just so he could cry.  
Did Jeremy not love him enough?  
Was Richard not enough for him?  
  
Then, it all got worse.  
  
**CLARKSON'S N-WORD SHAME**  
  
**THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF CLARKSON**  
  
"And for Capital's latest headlines and travel updates:  
Following a leaked video of using a racist rhyme, Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson has been warned by the BBC that anymore racist remarks will be dealt with by immediate suspension..."  
  
"Rad-i-o Oone  
Top Gear's latest special, set in Burma, has been censored by the BBC for host Jeremy Clarkson's racial slur towards a Burmese citizen..."  
  
  
  
...and even worse.  
  
**CLARKSON SUSPENDED AFTER PUNCH UP**  
  
**STROP GEAR**  
  
**STEAK TA TA**  
  
"Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended by the BBC effective immediate, after the end of what Executive Producer Andy Wilman dubbed an annus horriblis, when he allegedly punched a Top Gear producer over a cold steak dinner"  
  
"...Clarkson has released a statement that he will indeed not be returning to BBC's Top Gear, after 13 years of hosting the show"  
  
I will not begin to describe the pain, frustration and loss felt by everyone at that point. Richard was utterly despondent and so was Jeremy, his public image was ruined.  
Those who didnt know him, and still thought they could comment on his actions, saw him as nothing, saw absolutely no worth in him.  
  
Richard did.  
And thats what he said when he walked into Jeremy's flat.  
  
"I do."  
Then they hugged and Jeremy cried, sobbed into richard's shoulder.  
  
And after, Jeremy broke their literally unspoken rule, and asked.  
  
"I do?" he rasped quietly.  
  
Richard almost couldnt bring himself to say it, however he did, for himself, not for Jeremy.  
Something had changed for the worse inside the younger man, and it hurt to admit that to himself. Maybe this was it, maybe he was waking up to it all.  
  
"I see worth in you"  
  
With that, he dressed with a speed perfected from months of this, of pleasing Jeremy then leaving, in a woeful cloud of sadness and aching love, and left without word.  
  
Yet, if Jeremy had called him, asked for another 15 minutes, begged, pleaded, cried for him to stay and love him, comfort him, make him the happiest man in the world, Richard wouldn't say no.  
  
But Jeremy didnt call for him, didn't do anything for him.  



	4. Chapter 4

  
_(I dreamt about you last night_  
_And I fell out of bed twice_  
_You can pin and mount me like a butterfly_  
_But take me to the haven of your bed_  
_Was something that you never said_  
_Two lumps, please_  
_You're the bee's knees_  
_But so am I_  
  
_Oh, meet me at the fountain_  
_Shove me on the patio_  
_I'll take it slowly_  
_Oh_  
  
_Fifteen minutes with you_  
_Oh, I wouldn't say no_  
_Oh, people see no worth in you_  
_Oh, but I do)_  
  
Richard had managed to calm down from his almost-panic attack in the bathroom, but the world still spun slightly. He had initially woken up on the floor, for the second time that night, all because of those recurring dreams of Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. Years had passed since it all started, but things were supposed to be different now. The Grand Tour was supposed to provide them with a new lease of life, and in the most part it had offered more than that. So why did Richard still go back to him?  
True, it had become significantly less frequent after the Fracas, but that made it all the worse. It was torture. The way Jeremy would be so gentle in welcoming him back to him, ever so careful during sex, but nothing could make Richard forget that Clarkson would still pin him down, mount him, all for his own control, all to cope.  
  
Tonight, he had a decision to make.  
  
Perhaps if he had wised up to Jeremy's motives earlier on, he would have been able to fix his marriage with a woman he'd loved with his whole being, and only loved her more for providing him with two beautiful children. However, that chance had passed, it was long gone.  
  
No, the decision was a simple one. Carry on allowing Clarkson to treat him like dirt, or cut ties and spend more time, as he had already started to do, with his daughters. Richard wanted to repair his relationships with his family, but Jeremy was holding him back.  
  
The worst thing was, the most depressing, unpalatable point for Richard was that he knew, deep down, the older man loved him.  
  
But never once in their affair had Clarkson made love to Richard in his own bed. It would always be in a remote corner of the patio, or on the sofa, in the shower. In hotel beds sure, but Richard would always wake up to an empty space beside him. It was a saddening prospect, but one that steeled Richard's reserve in his decision.  
  
So he texted Jeremy to his hotel room. They had been filming a brand new special in Australia, but by this time, most of the crew would be asleep.  
  
_15?_  
  
He felt the buzz of a text in his pocket within five minutes, but didnt check it. Richard never called on Jeremy, only ever the other way round.  
  
When he opened the door, he expected a lustful gaze, as was usual in this situation, but his lover's face was unreadable as he entered Richard's room, his space. They both made their way near to the bed.  
  
"Did you get my-"  
  
"Shut up, I'm speaking now Clarkson"  
Richard's tone shocked himself, let alone its receiver whose mouth remained open, but no sound came out.  
And that's when it all came out, Richard saw red and he couldn't stop himself. Years and years of hurt spilled out of his mouth in hateful, yet justified, words.  
And at some point, Jeremy, correctly so, thought that Richard had gone to far, and snapped. He had hurt too, and although his protestations were selfish, he was so angry. However, both were so caught up in each other, and themselves, that neither of them heard the door open and James letting himself in. He stood in a cloud of awkward gloom just a couple of steps away from them, in the centre of the room. Eventually, James spoke up - his voice cut through both Richard's and Jeremy's easily, but he didnt shout.  
  
"I'm done"  
  
The two turned, shocked, but James didn't allow them any time to reply.  
  
"I'm done, I can't do this anymore... I've already told Andy and despite his protests I'm doing it anyway. I can't bear witness to this any longer, this love-hate relationship of yours, my two best friends treating each other like complete shit."  
  
It took a moment to digest but before Richard could reply _no, no you can leave, no I... I love you, I don't know what I'd do without you_ \- Clarkson took it upon himself to convert his worry, anxiety, his sadness into a caustic reply, bourne out of the worst coping mechanism to exist. One he hated himself for having.  
  
"You're only bringing that up now James because you're in love with him, but I'm the one he chose"  
  
....?  
Richard's brain froze, and his eyebrows knitted together.  
_James loved him all this time and he was too blind, too in love with Clarkson to notice?_  
  
Richard blinked, blinked again  
"You... you love..?"  
  
James's face was riddled with sadness, and it was just as worn as his co-presenters, when he replied  
  
"I do."  
  
That's when Richard felt a sharp, truly emotional pain in his heart, the sort of feeling that brought tears. But he wouldn't sob, so instead, because he couldn't help but cry, he let the tears fall wet and hot down his face, and didn't bother to wipe them away.  
  
"I'm sorry" but Richard's voice was strangled.  
God, this was all one massive mess.  
  
"You... you can't leave James, we can work all of this out"  
  
Yet even as the words left his mouth, he knew nothing could be done between them, at least not for a long time and they were already getting old.  
  
When Richard looked at James, he knew he was already forgiven in the older man's eyes, and that broke his heart even more.  
James, gave them both one last look, and with his own tears staining his cheeks, walked over to them both and hugged them together. He whispered to Clarkson something Richard couldn't hear - James's whisper was that quiet -  
_I love you too, Jeremy, but I hate you for causing all of this._  
He left then, leaving the door open slightly.  
  
Richard turned to Jeremy then, and his face was... heartbroken, and pleading, very much so, the sort of face he would have like to have seen years ago, each time he left Clarkson's house, but it was too late now.  
  
That very fact was the final nail in the coffin, and he couldn't help but sob then, with his whole body, feeling his heart split right down the middle, because he had always loved them both equally. Clarkson put his arms round him, and they cried together for a while, but Richard pulled away eventually.  
  
"Richard..."  
  
He cut him off.  
  
"Just go"  
  
And he did, with extreme reluctance, closing the door behind him.  
  
Richard sat down on the bed for a long time, thinking, not thinking, crying, numb. And then he looked at his screen, absentmindedly, too depressed for words, and saw the two unopened texts from Jeremy.  
  
' _15?' I wouldn't say no._  
  
_I love you._  
  
_(Fifteen minutes with you_  
_Oh, no, I wouldn't say no_  
_Oh, people see no worth in you_  
_I do_  
_Oh, I, I do_  
_Oh, I do_  
_Oh, I do_  
_Oh, I do)_


End file.
